BULLSEYE OR MISFIRE: Vampire Academy Reviews
By Dr. Know on February 8th, 2014
The only thing that distinguishes this teen-magnet wannabe from its predecessors is how lazily it appears to have been slapped together.
For smart, strong girls, and the guys who like them, Vampire Academy will hit a vein.
It’s “Twilight” as directed by Mark Waters, of “Mean Girls.” It’s an idea that might have been intriguing 15 years ago, before those movies existed.
If a supernatural teen film ever required CliffsNotes, it would be this one.
One idea, mixed with lame jokes, and stretched beyond coherence. Vampire Academy doesn’t need a review. It needs a stake in the heart.
Had this been played tongue in cheek, and taken to the logical extreme, this could have been a blast. Unfortunately, it’s played straight. (Full Content Review for Parents also available)
Vampire Academy is just another failure in a long line of similarly structured experiences and quite frankly, the fact that there are six of these books blows my mind.
Put Robert Pattinson in Grade 12 and outfit his classmates with cleavage that would make Hermione blush, and you have a notion of the joys in store here.
Most of the time, the actors are working so hard to keep us up on developments in the plot that they don’t have time to fill in character details.
Vampire Academy will likely only satisfy fans of the books. To most everyone else, it’s another disposable addition to the growing pile of cheap YA movie adaptations.
Vampire Academy ultimately doesn’t have much bite, but that doesn’t stop it from trying to continually show its teeth.
Only a fraction of the scores of attempted jokes work, but it’s still funnier than it has any right to be.
Mark Waters’ ‘Vampire Academy’ is a tedium of heavy exposition, tired pop culture humor and some of the lamest vampires ever…
Hard to believe the same Daniel Waters who wrote HEATHERS wrote this. The mythology here is hilariously convoluted. Also- the subtext about the Dhampirs being content servants (slaves even) is more than a little odd.